The Visit

The break is over and I am back (and feeling lazier than ever)! It has been long enough since I haven’t written anything that writing anything has gone back to being a struggle - which is obvious since I said I was hoping to have this post done by the end of yesterday when I am really only starting it now. Coming back to reality, frankly, sucks.

Back to the point: the 18 day break SdC took to come out and visit me has come and gone in the blink of an eye and I am now back to being ‘by myself’. In ways it feels like he was never even here because it went so quickly and we didn’t spend much time in the house itself, but then there are the little bits and pieces of him that he left behind which are daily reminders of his lingering presence. We took two out-of-town trips and went to different places in the city as well as Old Manila (Intramuros). We spent a lot of time in the sun, had a lot of drinks at Starbucks and ate at quite a few restaurants. Although I have to say that the trip was a bit ‘weird’ for me emotionally, overall I think that the trip went well and SdC had a good time – which is what my main worry was for this trip. Perhaps it didn’t always go as smoothly as we’d hoped but I have come to accept that in Asian fashion plans often go awry and you just have to roll with the bumps and try to keep on course.

The first place out of town that we went to was the beach on the island of Palawan at an area called El Nido. It was beautiful. Crystal clear blue and green waters, amazing coral and fish and we even got to swim for a short while with a turtle on our last day! We ate seafood everyday and got to witness a beautiful sunset every night from our balcony which faced out towards the sea. It was blissful.

Leaving the beach was a bummer but when we got back we went to Lake Taal/Tagaytay to see the volcano-in-the-middle-of-a-lake-in-the-crater-of-another-volcano and also the old town of Manila called Intramuros which has a big Spanish influence. Both places I have been to and posted pictures of before but I will post pictures again anyway

Taal Lake Tagaytay

Taal Vista Hotel View

Church in Intramuros

Fort Santiago Theatre

The second place we went to out of town was Banaue – a UNESCO World Heritage site due to the beautiful and amazing rice terraces which we were lucky enough to climb up and down and around. We also went to the waterfalls (where I sadly lost my glasses so I had to hike back to the hotel half-blind!) and it was one heck of a trip! Unfortunately for us we were incredibly unprepared for this trip and didn’t bring sneakers so we ended up hiking for about 5 hours that day (up and down some seriously hardcore terrain) in flip flops! Crazy. Our legs and especially our ankles felt the burn and since we were travelling back home that night for 10 hours on a bus it was made particularly more uncomfortable. Nevertheless, we survived but my legs were not liking me at all for the next 2 days!

View from the highest viewpoint in town

View from the highest viewpoint in town

Banaue Viewpoint 1

View from the top!

Waterfall

Refreshment after lunch

To state the obvious, SdC met both my siblings and for the 1.5 days after she arrived and before he left he got to meet my mum. I think on all counts it went well and they all got on with each other and save for a few awkward moments on SdC’s behalf everything went without a hitch, which was very much a relief to me as I was nervous about introducing him – especially to my mum. Other than that, we mostly ‘chilled’: went to malls, ate food, drank coffee/tea, shopped, watched movies and also swam in the pool (finally)! I guess because we did so much the days seemed to pass by very quickly and next thing you know we were having our farewell meals and then we were saying hasty farewells at the airport. The airport farewell was pretty rushed because we were caught up in traffic, ended up a bit pressed for time and there was a ridiculous queue to get into the airport; so that was slightly disappointing. But I guess if everything goes according to plan with my UK visa application I will be going there in a month’s time to stay for a month until my graduation. If that doesn’t work out, well, at least we’ll get 2 weeks at the very least. Long distance can be quite a pain in the ass (and on the heart strings) but I guess it’s what we do to try to hang on to the things that mean something to us, right?

Well, that basically sums up the trip. Short (?) but sweet I think! I hope you all enjoyed the pictures and hope all is well with you my fellow readers! Until next time.
xx

T-12 Hours & Counting!

The day I thought would never come three months ago has finally arrived – well, almost. Tomorrow morning I’ll be heading to the airport to pick up SdC and we’ll then get to spend the next 18 days together. I am a bag of mixed emotions right now – happy, excited, nervous and admittedly a little scared. I know it has only been three months but a lot has happened in those three months and if anything I believe time and distance are big players in the game of change. To be honest I think my nerves are winning out a little on my excitement! I know it’s kind of crazy but I am nervous for him to meet my family (especially my mum even though it will only be for 1 hour tomorrow because she’s jetting off to India after he arrives). I’m also nervous to show him around a place where I technically grew up but haven’t lived in for 10 years and have only recently returned to. I have quite a few memories here but they’re quite faded and I want so much to show him a good time that I’m scared I’ll fail. I wish I could let him meet my friends but unfortunately for me (and him) I don’t have any here and that is also kind of an embarrassing point for me too. I wish I knew more places and knew of more things to do… But I guess there isn’t much to be done about that now. I guess if I look on the bright side, we get to explore, find and try new places together. That should be interesting!

I know, I’m thinking too much about it. I’m over-analyzing. I should just take it one day at a time and let things play out the way they’re ‘meant’ to do. I guess I just really want him to enjoy his time here. I don’t want him to regret spending all this money to come here to end up being disappointed and not have a good time by the time he leaves. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how it plays out. I do look forward to his arriving here though – it will be nice to see him again after all this time and I know it will be good to feel his arms embrace me in a hug again too. That’s definitely one thing I am looking forward to: embracing him in a hug when he steps out of the arrivals gate at the airport

On that note though I better go and sleep because it’s going to be an early wake up call for me not only to get to the airport but to shower and prep my room for his arrival. He is going to be sleeping in my bed because it’s the only one that is long enough to accommodate him – this Asian family is comprised of uber shorties! Haha I don’t know if I’ll have time to write a post while he’s here (I most likely won’t) but I will definitely write a long one with a big gallery of pictures when he has left gone and I once again have all the time in the world to myself.

Until next time fellow bloggers!
xx

Bad Vibin’

Today’s vibes have been all over the place. From the minute I woke up to mum screaming her head off in the TV room this morning, up until now with my sister being her insolent teenage self without a care for anyone else but herself and sucking up to everyone only when she needs something – which right now would be “help” from me. No. The vibes have not been good at all today and it has really gotten me into a “bah humbug!” mood.

The gym has been killing me these past two weeks and even though I have been going for 2 months now and eating better I still don’t see significant changes in myself. It’s kind of disappointing… Not to mention the scales haven’t been tipping downwards by much either so that’s also a bit  lot of a downer (I guess I should be glad it’s not tipping upwards though). Even though I am sure all this working out and eating properly is doing something to me and my body every gym session as of late has seen me struggling with activities I have done since day one and I am lost in puzzling out why this is happening. You’d think things would be much easier by now! Lately, that’s not the case.

Dad left today and already I feel the difference. Mum has been in a foul mood all day and well, today I really notice the difference between her when dad is here and when he isn’t. He’s so good at making her stop … pestering us all the time about everything we do. I know that’s a mother’s job but when it makes no difference – especially when it comes to my sister – it just gets frustrating seeing her get angrier and angrier to no avail. Plus the screaming gives me such bad headaches. He’ll be back in May just two days before my birthday but mum will also be gone for a significant period of time starting the end of this week. I look forward to it.

All in all it has been a pretty frustrating day. I am aware this is a pretty pointless ranting post but I needed to let it out before I turned to grabbing a mountain of chocolate and stuffing it all in my face and which in reality would only make me feel “better” until I realize I will never be able to work it all off. Ah, the joys of weight watching! I think I’m just going to go face plant in my bed now and hope beyond hope that I will wake up to a day of better vibes tomorrow. Fingers, toes and eyes severely crossed.

xx

Perseverance

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small compared to what lies within us” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I had a meeting with a lady who volunteered to help me improve my CV, refine my ‘job searching skills’ and also offered to put me in touch with a few NGOs locally and internationally. I was a pretty hot mess while I waited to meet with her – I was so nervous I felt like I’d swallowed my tongue (good thing I wasn’t sweating profusely too)! Fortunately, most of my nerves left when I walked into her office.

I don’t know what I expected but I don’t think it was her. She was loud, completely up-front-in-your-face and had no qualms about telling you what she thinks you should do/should be doing. She joked a lot, pulled serious faces for really long periods of time (which intimated the crap out of me) but also smiled quite often. She was open, approachable even and had an air about her that was ‘Zen’ but also charged with energy just begging to be released. I think she could be likened to a gust of wind in a storm that (almost) knocks you off your feet the minute you walk out the door.

She was pretty amazing.

You can tell she’s a force to be reckoned with in the working environment. She projects such an ease and confidence that you can tell would make her either really loved or really hated by the people she works with. Her confidence, while slightly overpowering and left me in awe for most of the meeting, was something I genuinely admired. I guess in many ways she is the kind of career driven, but also family oriented, successful, well-rounded working woman whom I hope to be like in the future.

Her confidence and passion about her work in particular is something I honestly covet for myself.

There are so many great women working in the field of development that have spearheaded and been the driving force behind many initiatives which have helped improve peoples’ lives. The passion they have for their work can be overwhelming but also very awe-inspiring. As of late I have had too much time to think and have been questioning the decision I made in choosing this line of work. Is it really for me? Did I make the right choice? I haven’t had any luck job hunting so I’m probably not good enough and this was the wrong choice and I just wasted my life. Maybe the fact that I am questioning myself can be interpreted as the answer to my doubts, but at the same time I haven’t been given the chance to even get my foot in the door and try.

It’s when I meet women like the lady today when I realize how much I want to be able to do this work too. I want to be able to get my hands ‘dirty’ and get experiences like they have gotten. Getting that ‘first job’ after university is always a struggle for most and in this ultra-competitive world we live in it has only become that much harder now. But it shouldn’t be used as a reason to give up or be discouraged. Sure, it may take longer or be a lot harder than you think but when you get to where you want to be at the end of the day, that’s what makes it all worthwhile (or it should anyway, right) – it’s just never losing sight of that goal along the way. Today reminded me of that and I’m glad for it.

xx

Give Me Love

Just thought I’d share something short and sweet today. I discovered a great song the other day and forgive me for jumping on this bandwagon a little bit late but jump on it I now have! I don’t know what song I was looking for on Youtube that led me to stumble upon this song by Ed Sheeran called ‘Give Me Love’ but I’m glad I stumbled upon it because since then I haven’t been able to stop listening to it.

I’m sure you’ll be able to gauge what the story is about when you watch the video but for those of you who are still a little confused: We see a day in the life of Cupid. As she works her magic igniting people’s passions for their ‘true love’ and watches their love unfold, she feels the overwhelming desire to find her love as well. The end of the video comes back to the scene we were shown at the beginning where a police officer is walking into an apartment (“Cupid’s den”). In the end we are shown Cupid having ‘fallen’ on her bed with an arrow in her neck which disappears when the officer (who just so happens to be her true love, of course) appears in front of her and she wakes up (hurrah)!

Without further ado:

Give me love like never before,
‘Cause lately I’ve been craving more.
And it’s been a while but I still feel the same.
Maybe I should let you go.
You know I’ll fight my corner
And that tonight I’ll call you
After my blood is drowning in alcohol.
No, I just wanna hold you.

Give a little time to me or burn this out
We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around
All I want is the taste that your lips allow.

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It’s Out With The Old…

The day after I got to the Philippines my mom decided to buy me a new phone – the Samsung Galaxy S3. I always get excited over new technology and getting a new smartphone that had a screen three-four times the size of my old Blackberry screen and not to mention that it was a touch screen was all so very exciting. Needless to say I ditched my Blackberry faster than you can say ‘laterz’ and transferred all the things I deemed important (certain contacts, photos, music, videos) onto my brand-spanking new phone. While I transferred these necessaries onto my new gadget, I didn’t delete them on my old, and admittedly beloved, BB – until today. After months of incessant pestering to hand over my BB so my mom can use it as a second phone (don’t ask – it’s an Asian thing) I decided to get the task over with and sorted through all my “personal phone affections” and then deleted them.

I know it may seem silly and perhaps a little bit melodramatic (what can I say? I’m good at the stuff) but I felt kind of sad after I emptied my phone out. Almost like I was leaving an old life with my old phone behind me. Of course, it’s true in a way. The places where I used my BB are no longer places of my life right now. I left behind Cambodia life and now I have left behind UK life and am proceeding to start ‘fresh’ here or wherever I find employment. It is rather a melancholy feeling and though certain things are better now, this vibe still persists. I think this is one of those moments in life that you never really get used to – how do does one ever get used to leaving a life that was thoroughly enjoyed and loved in a place you don’t know when you can return to, anyway? Let me tell you, as much as I’ve done it in my life so far, no part of leaving anything or anyone behind ever gets easier.

Perhaps that is why I decided to deactivate Facebook almost a week ago. Yep, I didn’t think I could do it but I did it and while it feels kind of weird because I feel so out of touch it is for that very same reason I still feel relatively sane, too. While I have my family here it’s not the same as being surrounded by friends; the ones who you can randomly call on for company, or a coffee or drinks or a night out of fun to forget your problems, worries and fears. The most glaring difference between my life in the UK and here is that now I only have “acquaintances” and definitely not the kind I can randomly call up to go out with for anything. I think the friends – or should I say, the not having any friends – is what makes picking up and starting fresh so difficult. I know it’s what I am struggling with the most. While being on Facebook keeps me up-to-date it’s also a stark reminder of how just about everyone is surrounded by friends while I am here alone. I miss being a part of something like that and as I look at my friend’s lives I feel like such an outsider – especially when it comes to SdC. Although we are a part of each other’s lives, in many ways we are also not. Hearing of all the things he does and all the fun he has (without me!!) is bad enough, but when I have to see it too whenever I log onto that darn social networking website, it leaves me pretty bummed out to say the least. Although his is not the only life I envy, his is the one I wish I could join in with most.

I know this is a different kind of ‘Friends’ but it’s the same bond I miss…

I know this is calling on a lot of self-pity (hey, I guess I’m good at that too) and lord knows I’ve done a lot of that in the last few days weeks and neither am I begging for anyone’s sympathies in writing this post. It is what it is, right? I am just hoping that once I start work I will be able to find and build a connection with someone (or optimistically even a few people) who I can slowly call friend(s). Maybe then I can start to feel more at ease with this new life I’m beginning and moving past the old one I have left behind…