The past 1.5 weeks has been incredibly hectic and I am so glad that the majority of the hustle and bustle has now subsided and I get to kick my feet up for at least a little while. Last Friday my mom had an operation to fix the rotator cuff on her right shoulder which she tore about 7 months ago. After endless months of complaining and pretty much losing all the strength in her right arm she finally got the surgery and with everyone else not volunteering to stay in the hospital with her that night I took the shift. It was scary seeing my mum in such a state – I had never seen her so out of it before and in many ways it terrified me, especially when she would constantly wake up whimpering with pain and being scared because she did not know where she was. That night really showed me that even the strongest people we know can be just as vulnerable as everyone else. That night I didn’t sleep a wink and even when my dad and brother came that morning bearing strong coffee and croissants I only managed to get 2 hours sleep tops until we finally came home that night and I crashed like a light after Skyping with SdC until the wee hours of the morning.
From then on it has been a constant circus. On Tuesday we had family members come to visit us from Indonesia and since my mum is still quite unable to do a lot of walking for long periods of time it was left to me to take care of them and show them around places that even I had never been to before. With me still getting used to the heat and the rain clouds hanging constantly and tentatively in the air without ever spilling a drop (making the humidity soar to unbelievable heights), I wore down very quickly. I think it was a big contributing factor to my irritability which increased gradually every night until I just wouldn’t say a word. With my brother sleeping in my room because of the guests sleeping in his this left me to sleep in my mum’s room, taking away all the privacy and space that I so badly craved over the past week. It wasn’t (and still isn’t really) a great combination – add to that the fact that I miss SdC all the time and am trying not to let my insecurities overwhelm and freak me/him out. It has been a challenging and tiring week to say the least. Not to mention that I have started training with a personal trainer and WOW I am so unfit I am dying. Haha Circuit training isn’t as fun or easy as they make it look (but then again I apparently might start liking it after the 5th session).
Nevertheless, now that the family have gone it’s time to celebrate my brother’s birthday and get cracking even more on the job hunt. Spoke with SdC today and my heart strings were pulling like crazy. I miss him so incredibly much the thought of waiting until April is driving me mental. I know the end of February is practically here now but then there is the whole of March to get through and practically all of April until the 26th. Is it too early to start counting down already? Might be a bit desperate – but part of me is starting to feel that way. We’re both scared that he won’t be able to find a job out here and he’ll have to stay there which could mean a permanent separation for us. The strain of a LDR is so great and I don’t know if either of us will be able to take it for however long it will take for us to find a job in the same place together. Even though communicating has been made so much easier with Skype, Facebook, WhatsApp and all those other social applications it’s still difficult factoring in the time difference and scheduling calls during convenient times for the both of us and with 8 hours between us it’s a toughie (basically, I go to bed when he’s at work and when I wake up he’s going to bed etc). The thought of losing him actually terrifies me and makes my stomach churn like waves lashing about in the sea during a horrifying storm. I don’t want to lose him for anything For now I guess the most we can do is hope; hope that we both find something and to not give up on what we have going right now. Long distance, you’re killing me here.